Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Die Manne on The Track of Extintion

I just received from John Sachs some alarming news. 
As it requires urgent attention (and the due amount of consideration), I'm going to publish it straight away: 

Dear agony auntie Bertha from Barrydale.

The fear of God – F.O.G.

Barrydale is blessed with some mighty woman who have put the fear of the almighty into our group. They have ever so politely informed me that ‘Males’ or as we say in Barrydale ‘Die Manne’ have reached their ‘best before’ date and it’s only a matter of time before the whole species reaches its ‘sell by’ date. This is to occur in 2012 with the dawning of the age of ‘Aquarius’. On this date ‘die manne’ will become subservient to the woman. According to our very respected and beloved Nola, this shift has already taken place in our primate forefathers - the baboons. She has noticed that the Alpha males no longer dominate troops; Alpha females have replaced them. I will ask her to please gather all possible information on the new leaders ruling habits so that ‘Die manne’ can prepare for the future. My first question to you my dear auntie is:

will the dominance of females be the same as it was by the men? (This worries me very much because we men have some rather large skeletons in out closets)

Can we observe and use baboon behaviour in females as a yardstick as to the kind of behaviour we can expect from ‘die vroumense’ in the future? I have personally witnessed such behavioural patterns.

A while ago some marine scientists informed me that the males of the innocent sea horse carry the offspring. They get pregnant and carry the babies. I spoke to the manne about this and it has caused great concern in the village. We have heard from very reliable sources that some women have got together and have dried some sea horses, smoked them with Mpephu (a herb) and have sprinkled it in our precious spring water that we get from the pass. I do not know how long this has been going on for, but my breasts have definitely gotten bigger and now I am truly worried. Questions????

Should groups of ‘die manne’ get together and begin breast-feeding classes? What age groups will be targeted in the future? Will the over fifties be given a break? (Especially those with a low sperm count). Will women who presently suffer from penis envy be given lower status in the future or perhaps higher? What current penis envy tests are available at present?

It has also come to my attention that some women in the village are taking up welding classes and one has even taken up sword fighting. This is of deep concern. The mustering has begun.

Now on to a more serious matter. Will there be Nuremberg type trails in 2012, or will a truth and reconciliation commission be the order of the day? Will gay men be given a reprieve and what means tests will be given to find out if they really are gay? If it helps being gay then maybe I will consider changing my orientation now before the rush. 

Very, very concerned

 The Foggers (the name of our interest group – fear of godders, we thought the name would give us credability in the future.)

John Sachs

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